Tag Archives: Someone from the next cubicle

Apna Apna Andaz

I had a crazy first week back at work. And then on Wednesday, for respite, I found this in my mailbox:

Andaz Apna Apna

Friday Night movie! Please vote for the following options!

This followed by (in BIG, BOLD font)

Guys… There’s a VOTE option at the end of the movies… So please vote there… Don’t reply to me…

I swear, this was much more entertaining than the actual movie. Which was Andaz Apna Apna, so that should tell you just how tickled I was.

It  also took me back to the early (and great) times of my last job. We’d end up doing something together on Friday nights – a movie or a drink or dinner. So on Tuesday,with great enthusiasm, I proposed a plan for Friday and asked for ideas. Unfortunately, with all the evil he could muster, SNC diverted that into a conversation on ‘Ways to torture Ideasmith’ which ranged from the irritating ‘Make her do everyone’s work and take Friday off’ to the downright vile ‘Set up a fake profile for her on a matrimonial site’.

The next week, much improved by my training, I instituted the voting buttons which were as follows:

  • I’ve got culture. MOVIE!
  • I am SNC. All I care about is…DINNER!
  • I am a loser. I’m going home.

Needless to say, that week was mine!

Don’t rain on the office parade

My first week isn’t out and the high drama has already begun! Started with a marathon meeting that went on past lunch, topped by the first cold I’ve started this monsoon (aren’t they the worst?).

Monday was better, punctuated as it was by an awkward-funny round of introductions with everyone else. I contemplated changing my name with every bay I introduced myself to (“I’m Miya. I’m Ingrid. I’m Cleopatra. I’m Socrates. I’m Obama.”) but sanity reigned just in time. Then of course the rains decided to happen.

4 and a half hours struggling through traffic & trains stalled by rains last night reminded me of Mumbai’s most famous myth – ‘the spirit of Mumbai’. I’ll have you know I slipped and fell on my butt, on one of the pedestrian walkways, despite my new, brandedwala sneakers-with-cool-technology-soles. Spent 20 minutes navigating (gingerly) till the station was in sight. I won’t tell you about the lady in the train who provided my nighttime train entertainment by yelling on the phone, chomping chips almost as loudly and picking her teeth (in relative silence…only relative but the sight more than made up for the lack of sound). I’m absolving myself from spirit of Mumbai, no thank you.

Still though, cheer comes my way in the form of this object that I found strategically (and ominously) placed in the center of the table I was assigned. SNC is back, people!!

Aching butts and split sides

PJ Rani says this morning,

SNC, you baboon, you took the laptop home yesterday? My butt hurt all night!!!

SNC has been frozen in a state of giggly shock since then. After the rest of us pick ourselves off the floor and sewn up our split-from-laughter sides, PJ Rani explains..

If I work from home, I have to use my PC, right? And I have to sit on this tiny little chair which is too small for me. And I had all this extra work to do so I took it home!!!

The orphanage of unassigned projects

We’re really losing it…

Me: Oh nooo…..damn, damn, damn
SNC: What now?
Me: Another concall at a weird time…I work on a 24-hour IdeaSmith time zone now
SNC: Everyone else is groaning over deadlines
Me: Yeah and I’m groaning over deadlines in another time zone
SFOS: What’s all this?
Me: Arrre….yet another project from another office that’s overloaded..#$@!
SFOS: Again? Why do you always end up with these?
Me: My sweet accomodating nature I suppose. All these lawaaris projects end up on my table.
SNC: You’re the Mother Teresa of company projects!

The office band

IdeaSmith: We ought to have an office band

SNC: I was in a band in college!

IdeaSmith: What? Doing what? 

PJ Rani: Playing the drum? Being the drum?

IdeaSmith: Oh shut it…so how about it BAA?

BAA: Why me? I don’t sing!

SFOS: You ought to be out-lawed from being a Bengali then!

IdeaSmith: I thought you liked music

BAA: That’s why I don’t sing!

Let’s get the show on the road!!

BAA : Today I had my first crush

Us: Your first ever?

BAA (who has a new car): Yeah…I’ve been careful with the car all month

Us: Oh..crash, not crush

BAA: Yes, this guy came by and I sort of swung out. It wasn’t really his fault. *Pout pout*

Us: Awww

BAA: And dad screamed at me

Us: But you didn’t scream at the guy?

BAA: No, it wasn’t his fault

Us: Since when were road accidents anyone’s fault?

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

BAA: You know we can claim the driver’s salary…?

SNC: Under conveyance allowance?

BAA: So I thought NB could sign for my receipts and I could sign his!

SNC: Great, so this is the new corporate saying, “You drive mine, I drive yours?”

SFOS: Can I claim a driver’s salary for my bike?

The language of the geeks

Today I put my techno-greek foot back in my mouth (again! again! again!)

SNC: Do you know the iRiver?
Me: The what river?
SNC: Okay, you don’t know it.
Me: I didn’t hear you…what river?
SNC: The iRiver
Me: I don’t know it. What’s that?
SNC: Its like the iPod, an MP3 player
SFOS: Who are the makers?
Me: Apple obviously (going by the preceding ‘i’)
SNC: No, it isn’t. Its a me-too.
Me: Hmm…I wonder how come no one has come up with ‘iPea’ as yet.
*Loud laughter while I realise what I’ve said*
Me: What the hell…okay, maybe ‘iPeas’.
*Louder laughter*
Me: OH shut up! You know what I meant!
SNC: What…HARHARHAR….is wrong with you? KHEE KHEE KHEE…..there would be a problem if you didn’t!!!

Me: *Sulk sulk sulk*
SFOS: *in a serious undertone* That was a foe-grandpa
Me: Huh?
SFOS: A faux-grand-pas….the grandfather of a faux pas!

Peak hours

I’m a morning person.
I am a night person.
I’m just not a ‘during the day’ person!

It’s true.
I’m spectacular, first thing in the morning.
I’m the whole goddamn party at night.
But I’d rather be dead to the world in the ‘in-between’ hours

Not the best way to be in a 9-to-5 world!

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

This is based on a real conversation that I had with SNC and PJ Rani last night. They laughed and said it was a ‘quotable quote’. So if you hear someone say something as weird as this, you know where you read it first. Blah….now if only someone would read this blog….how symbolic….I’m at office ‘during the day’ after all. 🙂

Haute couture

Men have no appreciation for haute couture!!!!!!!! At least the two jokers I sit next do, don’t!

 

SNC: So why are you in casuals on a work-day?

Me: I’m not in casuals!

SFOS: So what are these then?

Me: I’m not wearing jeans!

SNC: So jeans are the only thing that’s casual?

Me: In this office, yes…

SFOS: But why are you dressed like this?

Me: I wanted to wear my new boots

SNC: Gumboots….

Me: Not gumboots, you dolt! These are ultra-chic leather boots

SNC: They look like gumboots to me!

Me: You’re crazy. Gumboots don’t have zippers or heels, gumboots don’t have zips.

SFOS: Mine did.

Me: You’re both nuts. These are considered formal in western wear.

SNC: Where? Some part of interior South Africa?

Me: Idiot! Incidentally, do you also know that the traditional business skirt is supposed to be really short, micro-mini length almost?

SFOS: How do they do business then?

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