Tag Archives: Office capers

Director Of Office Relocation

I’ve written about my uprooted office spaces. I knew that would be temporary so I didn’t put down roots.

This Monday morning opened with the official announcement that we were moving offices. Not the months-in-planning location across the city; unaccounted for delays have cropped up. But in the meantime our, our current lease is nearing end so we’re having to move to a temporary location. That’s spelt – wrap up and vacate…..in 3 days!!!

And guess who’s in charge of directing the move? Yes, I crib and I wail but secretly I love the feeling of being in charge of something big. While I’m striding around purposefuly, pen tucked into my hair (a throwback to my college days), drawing up list and checking them off, inside my mind, I’m hollering..

Lights! Camera! Aaaanddd…..ACTION!!!

And the director takes a bow. Moving is a big production of course. It is all the nitty-gritty niggling details of logistics. It’s the drama and excitement of a new location, brand-new furniture and freshly-painted rooms. It’s the savage marketplace skills of bargaining with carton-makers, packers, lifters, drivers, cleaners. It’s the uncertainty of a new travel plan and the weeks-to-get-used-to new address on forms and for phone directions. It’s the fear of leaving something behind. (And the merciful reprieve of lists!).

And then the one thought that accompanies all Goodbyes. Some things can’t be shut down, dismantled, catalogued, packed or moved out. A piece of you always stays behind.

There’s even a soundtrack in my mental drama production and it’s playing

She’s leaving home after living alone for so many years.

Practical Joker

Hmph. I’m surrounded by wise guys, Alec Smarts and evil pranksters.

Working from home for a day and when I get back, I realise my things-to-do list from 2 days earlier is still lying on my desk. As is my habit, I scan through it to see if there are any *shudder* carry-over tasks. And I’m stumped when I reach the end of the list…

14. Treat SNC and SFOS to lunch
15. Buy sweets for the whole office

I look around discreetly to see who’s giggling but the faces remain blank. So I tear it up and throw it away.

The other day I got up to get a printout and then stopped to have a chat. When I got back, my screen had turned over sideways. No kidding! The monitor was in its place, the keyboard didn’t look like it had been touched but the image on the screen was….well lying on its side. And whats worse, the mouse pointer seemed to have followed suit. Don’t even ask how I got out of that mess. 

It’s a conspiracy, I tell ya! While others battle office politics, I’m waging a war with a silent practical joker.

joker.jpg

(image courtesy ComicBooks)

How we celebrated Valentine’s Day

The friendly neighborhood pet-puja-provider (also known as Piggy’s Poison Plaza at that much-neglected blog called Office Capers….someday I’ll start it up again) started it all with much fanfare on Monday announcing that the speshul menu on the 14th would be:

 

valentine-menu.jpg

I was intrigued by the menu (an old bad habit, am afraid) but I didn’t risk the food, since Piggy has discovered V-day but hygiene remains a remote indecipherable concept.

Today at lunch, I said,

So no Sena trouble yesterday, right?

And the new kid on the office-block promptly replied,

Remember those MBA entrance group discussions? One guy would start shouting on some point. Ten minutes later an altogether different dude would be harping on the same thing a few decibels higher with Dude no.1 nowhere in the fray.

Strange but apt metaphor that, was the general lunch-table consensus.

IM crazy

Last week, I was told,

You should really get used to distinguishing your online and offline life!

And I wondered if I was spending too much time online. Only 8 hours+ at work. Some blogging on weekends. Who’s counting email? And now anyone in the world can see my chosen apparel for the day with Yahoo! Avatars. Oh and there’s always Instant Messenger.

Instant Messenger is in constant use across timezones, plugging people in different countries into one office. On one hand I marvel at the wonder that I’m talking to people in three continents much more often than with friends and family in the same city. Out of sight, out of mind, they say. Well, these people are constantly in my line of view as long as the green dot is flashing next to their names! 

Today, I got an email from a colleague titled

* IM not working *

I had to read the email to discover that I was being asked to email for queries instead of assuming she was offline (and hence off-office for the day). I mailed back

For a minute, I thought you were saying “I’m not working!”

Haha! I wish!

Imagine if instead you had said: IM on strike!

Or: IM off for the rest of the day!

IM not taking any more messages!

IM not a servant!

IM going nuts!

The last message I received was:

IM gonna quit!

🙂 Presumably that refers to the application and not the person. Tomorrow I’ll know when I see the green (or grey) dot next to the name.

Hungree kya?

Me:

Do you want to be made to feel very hungry?

SNC:

No.

Me:

Look at this anyway.

SNC:

I don’t want to be made to feel hungry. I am hungry.

SFOS: *shaking hands with SNC*

I’m SFOS.

The pursuit of Excelense

Yes, yes, I spelt it that way on purpose. It does have a meaning. Not an error. Oh alright, I’ll stop snapping. I’m entrenched deep in the pursuit of Excelense. Excelense is the fine art of decoding MS Excel.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have an open mind and I’ve accepted all that I can’t change, which in my woeful state is the presence of a computer and all the other thingy-mingy-bitty-bytes that are a part of it. Excel and I have had a fairly pleasant relationship….thus far. We met, the first few dates were quite pleasant and led to a reasonably long relationship. Every day I learn something new, every once in a while I say a little prayer for how blessed I am to have Excel. And then….quite suddenly…..how just like a man! Let me explain…but first I digress while telling you that everything in my life is male.

Right, that is a male dragon on my sidebar (cute, ain’t he? Just like my boyfriends who start off trying to be impressive and end up quite cuddly. Computer cellphone umbrella footwear (!!) …yevverything. And it all works and works well. Just not the way I it to or when I want it to. And eventually there’s the grand cop-out. Arrrrggggghhhh…..who understands the ways of men and machines?

After a gruesome crib-fest, Sir Obnoxious (who is the Knight of profane bullshit but is sometimes quite profound) advised me,

Be-friend your computer. Get to be friends. Give it a little pat on the screen every morning. Ask it if it had a good night. Smile at it. And really mean it.

Fine, always ready to give it a shot. Here goes nothing…

So here I am, on a normal harassing working day, communing with the collage on the screen in front of me. No, I do not have the glamourous job of touching up photographs or anything even remotely colourful. Hence, I improvise and add colour to my life. So my Excel workbook with its neon tabs, pastel highlights and themed headers now gets the Conditional Formatting touch as well. Call me an artist.

I rather thought acid green would be a good touch and make the important numbers stand out. Now I am looking at a screen full of green. Errr…that can’t be right. Control+Z hastily and move on. Excel, like a boyfriend sometimes doesn’t like a good colour and won’t be budged. Never mind, pick your battles and all that.

A couple of rows later, I find my mathematical understanding being challenged. Now here I can clearly see the following…

1+0+0+13+0+0+28+0+2+3 = 0!!!!

Undaunted, I decided that the time had arrived to teach my errant boy-child a lesson. Tap-tap-tap impatiently on keys….I’m waiting for the apology, dahling…

1+0+0+13+0+0+28+0+2+3 = 0

*Sigh* Sometimes it helps to find a distraction and come back to the issue when we’re both in a calmer frame of mind. So back we go to changing the tab colours. Blue turns purple, green goes yellow and grey metamorphoses to indigo. And now…are we ready to chat, love?

1+0+0+13+0+0+28+0+2+3 = 0

Drastic times call for drastic measures. Excel-boy is duly warned that if good behaviour is not forthcoming, we will cease talks. Excel, the evil one, knows of all my tantrums and decides that “She’ll come back. She always does!!” And so nose in the air, I shut the workbook.

Then I open it 3 minutes later. Fresh beginnings are always good. Hey sweetie, how’ve you been lately?

1+0+0+13+0+0+28+0+2+3 = 0

I give up. MS Excel like my errant menfolk need to be relegated to the bin. On the other hand, it appears that this is a non-negotiable relationship, at least from my side. So here I am, married to the devil that tells me (a la Chicago)

Darling, are you going to believe what you’ve heard or what I tell you?

Anything you say sweets….just so long as you say the same thing when the IT guy or my boss stop by. As with men, we shall forget about you serving me and I solemnly promise to dedicate my efforts to the pursuit of Excelense.

The pursuit of Excelense

Yes, yes, I spelt it that way on purpose. It does have a meaning. Not an error. Oh alright, I’ll stop snapping. I’m entrenched deep in the pursuit of Excelense. Excelense is the fine art of decoding MS Excel.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I have an open mind and I’ve accepted all that I can’t change, which in my woeful state is the presence of a computer and all the other thingy-mingy-bitty-bytes that are a part of it. Excel and I have had a fairly pleasant relationship….thus far. We met, the first few dates were quite pleasant and led to a reasonably long relationship. Every day I learn something new, every once in a while I say a little prayer for how blessed I am to have Excel. And then….quite suddenly…..how just like a man! Let me explain…but first I digress while telling you that everything in my life is male.

Right, that is a male dragon on my sidebar (cute, ain’t he? Just like my boyfriends who start off trying to be impressive and end up quite cuddly. Computer cellphone umbrella footwear (!!) …yevverything. And it all works and works well. Just not the way I it to or when I want it to. And eventually there’s the grand cop-out. Arrrrggggghhhh…..who understands the ways of men and machines?

After a gruesome crib-fest, Sir Obnoxious (who is the Knight of profane bullshit but is sometimes quite profound) advised me,

Be-friend your computer. Get to be friends. Give it a little pat on the screen every morning. Ask it if it had a good night. Smile at it. And really mean it.

Fine, always ready to give it a shot. Here goes nothing…

So here I am, on a normal harassing working day, communing with the collage on the screen in front of me. No, I do not have the glamourous job of touching up photographs or anything even remotely colourful. Hence, I improvise and add colour to my life. So my Excel workbook with its neon tabs, pastel highlights and themed headers now gets the Conditional Formatting touch as well. Call me an artist.

I rather thought acid green would be a good touch and make the important numbers stand out. Now I am looking at a screen full of green. Errr…that can’t be right. Control+Z hastily and move on. Excel, like a boyfriend sometimes doesn’t like a good colour and won’t be budged. Never mind, pick your battles and all that.

A couple of rows later, I find my mathematical understanding being challenged. Now here I can clearly see the following…

1+0+0+13+0+0+28+0+2+3 = 0!!!!

Undaunted, I decided that the time had arrived to teach my errant boy-child a lesson. Tap-tap-tap impatiently on keys….I’m waiting for the apology, dahling…

1+0+0+13+0+0+28+0+2+3 = 0

*Sigh* Sometimes it helps to find a distraction and come back to the issue when we’re both in a calmer frame of mind. So back we go to changing the tab colours. Blue turns purple, green goes yellow and grey metamorphoses to indigo. And now…are we ready to chat, love?

1+0+0+13+0+0+28+0+2+3 = 0

Drastic times call for drastic measures. Excel-boy is duly warned that if good behaviour is not forthcoming, we will cease talks. Excel, the evil one, knows of all my tantrums and decides that “She’ll come back. She always does!!” And so nose in the air, I shut the workbook.

Then I open it 3 minutes later. Fresh beginnings are always good. Hey sweetie, how’ve you been lately?

1+0+0+13+0+0+28+0+2+3 = 0

I give up. MS Excel like my errant menfolk need to be relegated to the bin. On the other hand, it appears that this is a non-negotiable relationship, at least from my side. So here I am, married to the devil that tells me (a la Chicago)

Darling, are you going to believe what you’ve heard or what I tell you?

Anything you say sweets….just so long as you say the same thing when the IT guy or my boss stop by. As with men, we shall forget about you serving me and I solemnly promise to dedicate my efforts to the pursuit of Excelense.

Bangkok flight

*Beep beep*

I can’t come into office this morning. I’m thoroughly jet-lagged after that trip.

*Tap tap tap*

What you have isn’t called jet lag. It’s called a hangover!

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~ 

For Ammani’s 24-hour challenge-5

Aww G…

I was terribly amused by the extra ‘tadka’ that this restaurant adds to its language alongside its food! It probably was very rude to laugh, when I read the top line which read ‘Motter Panir’. Then true to Mumbaiker form, perpetually seeking improvement, the manager instructed the ‘board-writer’ to correct it.

When I passed that way again, here’s what I found.

aww-g2

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