The Music Of An Ex


Your voice still terrifies me. If anger were energy, you’re a nuclear reactor. But I only saw the gravity, I only heard the pain, I only felt your fear. And inside your head, for you, I became everything I could see. No wonder you hate me.

Now, every now and then, I listen to you, I watch you from afar. And what’s visible now is enough to scare me away. The trouble is memory is so weak at repelling. The minute I’m beyond the bounds of remembering, I come back to listen, to hear, to watch and to fear.

You wear the face of the unfamiliar, the strange, the uncomfortable. But your anger is known, like a well-remembered accident, a bone that never really healed and aches up every time it rains. It’s only ever raining when I think of you.

The scars on my arms have healed. And the lines on my face turned to pretty poetry, gritty poetry. But in the murky whirlpool of emotion, you still linger. How do you paper plane music? Because, yes, you were right, it is music.

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3 thoughts on “The Music Of An Ex

  1. […] experience I’ve had, has been of him. And now, to realise that it’s so dangerously close to the creative world he inhabits. I’m two words short of running screaming from the […]

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  2. […] will tell you about my troubled relationship with music. Add to it the anecdote of the ex-fiance, a rapper with obsessive ideas about his chosen genre to the point of squelching any musical inclination at all in me. So I count today as a milestone in […]

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  3. […] her advice and it served me well through my singing days. You didn’t know I had music in my history, did you? Not if you’ve met me or my blog only recently. Well, another […]

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