Warty Toads & Muddy Suits


Damn it all! No more coffee for me. Even if it’s only one cup of filter coffee in the morning and a Tropical Iceberg in the evening. It makes my brain wuzzy by nighttime. It might have been okay to dream about monsters and stuff that scares you. What about stuff that disgusts you? Where most people have nightmares, my subconscious dregs out warty toads.

I dreamed of an ex-. For those of you who know me well, if I told you who this was, you’d stare at me in wonderment. Yes, not one of those major things, just a short by-the-by one that passed with no major damages on either side.

If it was weird to dream about him, the dream itself was even weirder. I dreamt that he accused me of taking his suit and throwing it in the mud. And the suit! What a suit! The minute I saw it, I knew that if my dreams were literature, they’d be classified as parodies. It was a beige horror in 80s style with humongous shoulder pads, white piping (a la brass band uniform) and with the jacket ending sharply at the waist. Hain?

Then the phone rang and it turned out to be my stupid phone company asking for the third time about a bill I’ve already paid. I don’t know which was more disgusting – the call or the dream. Apparently my subconscious knew so I drifted back into the same damn dream.

The ex- pointed at me and I sat back in smug nervousness thinking that the very idea was ludicrous. Mud splotches on a suit were so contrived! But he held it up and there were no splotches, only these glaring yellow patches which looked like clothes that have been unsuccessfully laundered after being used to mop up oil.

And no one seemed to believe me. Then I ran out to find a car pulling out which had one person who I had thought might sort out the mess. But he turned his face on me and pulled away. And I started bawling (how mortifying!)

Mercifully the phone rang again. And brought me to enough sane wakefulness to hope that that stupid dream is behind me! So this very rambling, ranting post is a thank you to my knight-in-shining-armour who woke me up this morning and rescued me from the parody-dragon in my head!

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