Sometimes you just need to be sad


I shut down Behind Cobwebs over a year back. I miss it today. I shut it because I thought I was getting to be too negative and that just having a place to put it was encouraging even more negativity.

Today, with nearly three times more visibility and so much more cheeriness that I’ve dredged up from the bottom of my barrel, I miss it. I miss the safe darkness so much I want to scream.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Six people have gotten in touch today to ask me where I am, how I’m doing and if I’m angry with them. I don’t know what to say. I haven’t been myself lately. It feels like I haven’t even been inside my own body, my own mind lately. And my soul has gone missing.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Years ago, someone told me, someone who isn’t a part of my life anymore and I never speak of him but I haven’t forgotten – told me,

Sometimes, you just want to feel sad. And then you need to be able to feel it. Not cheered out of it. Sometimes you just got to be sad.

I was reading a post about a happy girl two minutes ago and suddenly I was crying. Almost, the tears didn’t fall but they rose right to the very top and fogged my eyes. I used to be that girl…I think…I thought.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

I am so tired, bone-weary and exhausted after a really nice weekend.

I’m angry, so wrathfully so, at some people and I don’t know how to find my way back into forgiveness.

I need someone to hold me and tell me it’s okay to cry.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

Yes, I published and then immediately privatized (!) this post yesterday. And yet, enough of people caught it. I’ve replied to most of them but would the Anon who dropped me a note please look in this direction? This is the person who left no address behind but wrote the following:

I have been reading your blogs for a long time — And have enjoyed reading them.
I was concerned when I read “Sometimes you just need to be sad” — Do you often have mood swings? Or bouts of anger?

To which I reply, yes my dear child/friend/reader/stranger, I’m moody, I’m volatile, I’m irrational, I’m harsh, I’m bitchy. Family and friends are sometimes scared to tell me things because I’m perfectly capable of picking up a chair and hurling it out of the window. And equally capable of sitting them down, patting their arm and asking them to lay it all on their good ol’ buddy. Sometimes I care, sometimes I don’t and often even I can’t tell when one stops and the other begins. I often find myself unable to express what’s going on inside my head and all this ranting/poetry/fiction/posts are but a pathetic echo of what I experience.

I doubt you’re really interested in all this but it’s possible that that’s just my cynicism talking. Perhaps you’re someone I know and have burned my bridges with a long time ago,  but you’ve still stopped to ask me how I’m feeling. Maybe you are a total stranger.

Whichever you are, whoever you, all I can say is – Thank you.

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9 thoughts on “Sometimes you just need to be sad

  1. RV May 26, 2008 at 07:46 Reply

    Their love and affection annoys me. Maybe my inability to reciprocate that love is the reason. Why can’t they leave me alone. ❓

    Is it that I’m happier being sad?

    RVs last blog post..Personal Finance Workshops: The 6 modules

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  2. chennairamblings May 27, 2008 at 16:28 Reply

    I have noticed that the sadder you also seems to bring out the poet in you most of the times.
    And that is the case with most of us. 😦
    And sometimes the darkness is more a part of us than the light, which is perhaps why we gravitate towards it.

    chennairamblingss last blog post..Thought for the day

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  3. Aditi May 28, 2008 at 14:16 Reply

    ➡ You’ve described me!

    Aditis last blog post..A Rainy Day!!!

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  4. Melody May 29, 2008 at 17:48 Reply

    Was kinda surprised to see this post up when you had just earlier told me that you made it private!

    And as sunshiny as I tend to be, I do agree with you, sometimes it’s ok to just be sad.

    The sun has set though – here’s to new sun tomorrow!

    Melodys last blog post..One of ‘em old posts like post.

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  5. Melody May 29, 2008 at 17:50 Reply

    Was kinda surprised to see this post up when you had just earlier told me that you made it private!

    And as sunshiny as I tend to be, I do agree with you, sometimes it’s ok to just be sad.

    The sun has set though – here’s to new sun tomorrow!

    Melodys last blog post..One of ‘em old posts like post.

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  6. IdeaSmith June 3, 2008 at 10:26 Reply

    @ RV: I don’t know. I just don’t know.

    @ chennairamblings: All I can say to that is “How true!”

    @ Aditi: And me!

    @ Melody: Changed my mind and published it the next day.

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  7. A June 4, 2008 at 12:02 Reply

    Sometime the guiding intution within you itself needs a gentle touch of the unaware angels that drive us all, that brings strange stable smile to us even when we feel so low…
    As your words connotate, I go through similar roller-coaster mood swing and bouts…more too often, then I try not to indulge too much into my thoughts, and to make the best use of myself for all things around, trying to justify every drop of varying talents I could be entrusted with…because we never know which rock was supposed to be climbed by us, trust me.

    …And then the sky looks little brighter…a bit wider.

    Hope this was useful,

    +Keep The Faith.

    As last blog post..Shall We Dan…?

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  8. IdeaSmith June 5, 2008 at 09:02 Reply

    @ A: Hmm. Venting is always good.

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  9. Sundar June 16, 2008 at 01:16 Reply

    a pov based on personal experiences….the nature of all experience independent of content of experience is bliss finally… sadness when fully experienced leads to bliss as anything else..may sound paradoxical…but i have tried it..hence the sharing..The key is in our ABILITIES to experience things as they are…we more often than not escape the experiencing part and manage our sorrows….denying ourselves the gifts of the experience..maybe worth an explore….

    Sundars last blog post..Dear Dad,

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