10 September 2004
When I was a child I’d stand at the window that the adults looked out of with so much ease. Sometimes an indulgent adult would pick me up to look out and then with an “ooof” put me back since I was ‘too old’ to be carried. Up on tiptoes, my chin would barely reach the window base and I’d wonder if I would ever be able to look out onto the world with ease and not even think about it.
At 14 my eyeline crossed the top of mom’s head, at 16 I could look into the eyes of every guy I knew and look down to most of them. I don’t look out of the window much anymore…there doesn’t seem to be anything worth looking at. Its like the world in a photo frame and that’s so…mundane.
I prefer standing on the balcony at night and looking at the blackness above the buildings towering above me and imagining stars that I can’t see through the pollution. But I guess I’m just looking up to a bigger window that I can’t reach just yet.