This post written by Melody seems to have sparked off a storm in the desi blogging teacup. I’m coming in rather late (ah, Saks, don’t smirk at that!!) but I feel compelled to put in my two-bit worth for a lot of reasons.
1. I do have an opinion on this. And this involves three subjects close to my heart (see the title of the post)
2. The discussion seems to have wandered off on weird tangents.
3. I actually agree with the viewpoint of some of Melody’s detractors but not with the way they’ve expressed them.
Okay, let me start again. The question as I understand it was about desi girls and whether they were ‘doing it’ or not. That’s a fact (debatable on either side since there’s no way to really authenticate it). Now whether they should or not is a matter of opinion.
Melody as I know her is a lady with strong conviction in her opinion but (or should I say ‘and’) with no hang-ups about needing others to agree. This is a rarity, I well know. I’m not a big fan of God and religion myself and I admit I’m more than a little biased against religious people. This stems from the fact that all my life I’ve had God thrust on me by people who believe in the concept strongly and tried their level best to force me to. Let me not even start on the cause of most of the violence in the city, in the country and across the world today. My own personal experiences deter me from being overly fond of the ‘missionaries‘ as I call them.
Melody, however, is NOT a missionary by that definition. In all my interaction with this lady, never once has she tried to convert me or anyone else to her point of view. If anything, I find talking to her refreshing and interesting simply because she has a different point of view from mine and conveys it without needing me to agree. So Sakshi, Sonya, while I’m up there with you on the anti-organized-religion front, I have to say you’re probably equally blinded by your fervour as the fanatics are. With all due respect, it takes all sorts to make a world. Not every religious person is spiritual but they aren’t all mercenaries either.
Coming back to the original question. My take on this is simple. Personal freedom is about the only thing I really believe in. It’s your body, your life. Do what you like with it, take responsibility for it.
If you are a woman, an Indian woman, you are well aware of society’s norms, how they can be flouted and the consequences of being ‘caught’ or even heard and misunderstood. Sex is a personal thing, it means different things to different people. As long as you are able to live with yourself during and after the act, I’m not drawing any judgements on you.
Taking responsibility is vital. If you trust the man, that’s your judgement call. If he dumps you later, feeling used, abused and worse still pregnant (Yes, this is wrong if it wasn’t planned for. If you can adapt to the situation and handle it, I applaud you.), that is a judgement that went wrong and you will have to bear the consequences. If tomorrow, you are married or with another man who is not able to accept the fact that you aren’t a virgin, that’s something you’ll have to deal with too. Either don’t have sex before marriage or make sure to only pick guys who think the same way you do or just learn to face the consequences. Society is like that, try and change it if you dare but there’s no point cribbing over the way it is.
And finally, practise safe sex if you do. It’s good for the world’s population, it’s good for you.
(A side note: There’s a link to another blog here that I haven’t linked to, before. If you’re interested, yes, that was written by me too when I was in a more spiritual/soul-searching frame of mind. I can feel that coming on again so I’m thinking of migrating the posts from there to here and continuing writing future thoughts on this right here.)
Also cross-posted on IFSHA.