Yesterday I went out for a drink with some colleagues. The talk turned to drinking games and we started on one called ‘Never ever, have I ever’. Here’s how it is played. One person raises his/her glass and proclaims “Never ever, have I ever….” and ends it with a statement. Everyone in the group who has done that particular thing must take a swig from their glasses.
It seemed harmless enough as it began but as the drink went down, the declarations got more and more daring (daringer and daringer..?) The two foreigners in the group thought that Indians were an extremely conservative bunch. And it would seem that way, considering all the things they came up with! I guess we are doers too, just not talkers.
The drink really loosens up tongues I bet…or perhaps that’s just the effect of adrenalin overdose and the group mentality, where everyone is egging each other on. I woke up this morning horrified at all the things I’d admitted to. Of course there were other women in the group, but one is married (and hence all is forgiven….hell, I didn’t make those ideas!), one is soon to be hitched and the last one was Little Miss Muffet. The married one remarked as we went home that everyone was more interested in her sex life before marriage than after…..yeah, where’s the excitement in the safety net of marriage? The guys had a blast of course, with each one trying to outdo the other with gory, sordid stories of college capers and adolescent adventures.
It made me wonder why really we are so uptight about things. We cringe at the idea of the most popular human activity. Some of us like to pretend we know nothing about such things (apparently this section was a special Stork Express Delivery). I shoot my mouth off about the modern women and boldness, but I was hesitant to talk about my ‘dirty secrets’ too. People are even reluctant to talk about the universal emotion of love (yes, yes it is still a four-letter word in my diary but what’s this about not even talking about it?)
There were some revelations. At “I’ve been in love with a teacher”, all of us raised a toast. Of course I know that at an intellectual level. Still, to actually see proof of it…is a realization. Followed by a session of ‘Truth or Dare’ the wildness quotient went up by the minute. Every nasty thing admitted to, was dragged out and examined in leering light. Yeaaarrrrgggghhhhh…..
This sort of a thing with colleagues brings about its own pitfalls. ‘The people I work with’ * in hushed tones*. Yes, I was jittery this morning, wondering whether any of these people would behave a little differently. Actually they didn’t. Of course I wonder if they’re judging me, but what the hell….at least I know how they’ll judge me if they do. Maybe we are all slightly voyeuristic. We enjoy listening to shocking things people have done. Maybe it makes us feel not so alone, not so weird, not so wrong.
I don’t know if I’ll live to regret this party. Maybe I shouldn’t have been quite so honest. Then again, we all need some moments that make us cringe with shame, when we look back. Its good for the soul. You can’t know purity until you’ve been dirty.