The Stage Was My Doorway Out

I’ve had a rather nice September after the rough times before that. Looks like my health diagnosis was a step in the right direction. I took a break from the Open Mic scene for a month which is why there haven’t been too many poetry videos. But if you saw this post, you’ll know September brought me a bouquet of special poetry performances. That this happened right during a time I decided to take a break itself seems like a sign from the universe to me. And living through them makes me sure. I feel like I’ve finally walked through the doorway of that dark, deep dungeon I’ve been imprisoned in for years.

So, in the order in which they happened:

Gaysi‘s DirtyTalk was the one that I wrote a special piece for. I was super nervous, not helped by an unexpected Encounter, minutes before my performance. Maybe I will write about that in more detail another time. Or maybe not, it was probably the fullstop that I’ve been needing for four years. I went on to deliver the following performance and it was a great one, if I do say so myself. I really want to thank the organisers as well as the audience. You have no idea how much this performance was a turning point in my life. It was reprieve after years of struggling.

The very next afternoon was the Radiocity Free Verses feature event, where I had the pleasure to meet the vivacious Harnidh Kaur who I’ve been hearing about for ages. I enjoyed her poetry. I wasn’t feeling very well and my hands were shaking (after a long time). But again, I think that added to the flavour of my opening piece ‘A Lover of All Things Digital’. It’s nice to remember how far I’ve come from a stage-petrified girl to a feature performer.

And finally, I got to be one of the 100 Thousand Poets for Change at a ‘Women Empowerment’ themed event hosted by the US Consulate at Kitabkhana. I know a theme like that seems tailor-made for me so I brought out my old favorites ‘Superwoman’ and ‘Feminist Poetry’. I am enjoying being the fun, irreverent, fresh end of things. I don’t think I’ve been the fun side of any group that often. I wish I were also the funnier side but that’s for another blogpost. Here’s my performance from that day.

Planet Radiocity Freedom aired my recorded performance four times this month. Eventually, they’re bound to put it up in the archives and I’ll share a link then. In the meantime, they also ran a short interview with me and the photo feature from the Free Verses September event is up on the site right now.

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For a lot of reasons, I feel like I was carrying around a gigantic boulder in my mind that was blocking everything. That boulder has just been set aside. I’m still raw from where it was dragged out. But I can suddenly breathe better and see more clearly. September has been about clearing the stones and letting the dust settle. I have been to hell and back. I enter October with a lot of hope and a nod to the Sandman.

hope

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If you liked this post, you’ll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I’m Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I’m on Twitter and Instagram.

 

I Wear: The Indian Turk

A little style tip I borrowed from Instanbul women that works perfectly well for Mumbai’s weather and terrain! I guess cultures may vary but urban style is universal.

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If you liked this post, you’ll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I’m Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I’m on Twitter and Instagram.

I Wear: Independence Sari

Independence Day fell close to a weekend this year. And it was also a sunny, dry day in the middle of a wet August. I took the opportunity to pull out a garment that I added to my wardrobe on another Independence Day four years ago – the sari.

I won’t talk about all the merits of the sari and how it suits Indian weather and body structures. But I will say that it gets better and easier with practice. I’m almost entirely sari-normalised now in that I don’t consider it a special garment to be brought out only among fanfare and tripped around in awkwardly. I reach for a sari as easily as I reach for a pair of trousers or a favorite top. It does tend to reduce in the monsoon because of the filthy city I live in and the fact that I prefer cottons which don’t dry as easily.

But here’s the look that it only took me 20 minutes to get on, right before I went out on a family dinner for Independence Day!

I Wear:

  • Red and white cotton saree: Bengal cotton
  • Lace croptop: Lokhandwala market
  • Painted wooden earrings: Bangalore airport

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If you liked this post, you’ll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I’m Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I’m on Twitter and Instagram.

Come September, Feature Month

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I’ve been off the Open Mic scene this month. I decided to take a break to rest my frayed nerves and also my voice. But happily, poetry happens all around and it happened to me in a big way. I have the happy privilege of being a feature performer at three different events this month.

Gaysi DirtyTalk

First, on Saturday is a scheduled line-up for Gaysi’s DirtyTalk. I had the good fortune to be around during the inception of this blog which has grown to be India’s foremost online voice of the LGBT community. The annual DirtyTalk event started years ago and the quality of their performers has been superlative. I never had the confidence to attempt a performance there, even though the Gaysi folks have been super warm and welcoming (I’ve stuck to my safe space of words from behind a screen). But this year and all these adventures later, I nudged them and asked if I may be considered. To my thrill (and now, oh god, panicpanic), they agreed. The event has a line-up of 13 performers and I’m one of them! I promise you, it’ll be an evening of glitzy colour and spicy words and yiiiiii I get to be one of them.

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Date: Saturday, 17 Sept
Time: 6:30PM
Venue: Link Room, Above Starbucks, near Linking Road, Bandra West
Tickets: Rs.400
Event pagehttps://www.facebook.com/events/1120545671373812/

RadioCity FreeVerses

The fun continues into Sunday when I get to be one of the three features at RadioCity’s FreeVerses live poetry event.

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Date: Sunday, 18 Sept
Time: 1:30PM-2:30PM
Venue: Monkey Bar, near Linking Road, Bandra West
Tickets: Free entry
Event pagehttps://www.facebook.com/events/1774041326189337/

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Also, last month, Planet RadioCity invited me to record for their Freedom show. My poetry will be up for listening in a couple of weeks. Interesting experience that, being inside a radio studio. I’ll write more about this when the recording comes up.

100 Thousand Poets ‘Readings on Women Empowerment’

And finally, the US Consulate invited me to be one of their line-up for the 100 Thousand Poets event in Mumbai.

Date: Friday, 23 Sept
Time: 5:30PM-7:30PM
Venue: KitabKhana, Flora Fountain, Churchgate
Tickets: Free entry
Event pagehttps://www.facebook.com/events/620714031440915/

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I have a different set planned for each event. And at every one of these three events, I’ll be sharing the stage with some very prolific and diverse performers. If you enjoy poetry, if the spoken word tickles you, if performance charms you or even if you just love me, please come to any one or all of them.

A big thank you to Anuja Parikh, MJ (you know who you are), Shalin Choksi and Rochelle Potkar for making this such a wonderful September for me!

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If you liked this post, you’ll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I’m Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I’m onTwitterand Instagram.

 

I Wear: Lightweight Indian

I am a fan of Indianwear, primarily for its prints and fabrics. But the cuts and styles don’t suit me well, given that I don’t have traditional Indian features (tall frame, lean body, pointed chin, small eyes, prominent cheekbones). Most traditional Indianwear tends to swamp me in fabric or metal/stones. That’s why I rarely wear Indian designs in jewellery. I’ve also been a very infrequent wearer of salwar-kameezes. But in the past decade, I’ve found my own balance, my own ways to customise what’s available and suit it to my look. After all, Indian fabrics and prints really do suit Indian skintones and the weather better than any other.

So here’s one look:

* This video was shot by Reema Prasanna.
If you enjoyed this style post in video, check out the other I Wear posts and videos.

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If you liked this post, you’ll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I’m Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I’m on Twitterand Instagram.

I Wear: It’s Hard To Dress Up In Mumbai

The weather makes all the difference. Humidity is terrible for natural fabrics and for hair and skin. Synthetic fabrics aren’t very classy and they tend to make you sweat like a pig. And after everything, if you manage to find a fabric balance, the dust just adds a sheen of sepia onto everyone’s faces. Still, we try.

This is what I wore on a non rainy but threatening-to-rain Monday. I intended to step out early and catch a spot of shopping in Bandra. But the Andheri traffic and a madly complicated station intervened and I only managed to get upto Khar. I turned out to be too early for the Tuning Fork poetry event so Gautam and I stepped out onto the street to capture the general ambience around when it wasn’t muddy and drippy.

I Wear:

  • Navy blue linen shrug: Cotton World
  • Pale pink polyester top with blue piping: ONLY
  • Navy blue trousers: Cotton World
  • Olive green boots: Pavers
  • Blue stone necklace: Magick
  • Lipstick: Winged 07 by Faces Canada

* This video was shot in parts by GautamIf you enjoyed this style post in video, check out the other I Wear posts.

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If you liked this post, you’ll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I’m Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I’m on Twitter and Instagram.

Pop A Pill, Define A Generation

The full health check-up I got done last month, revealed a thyroid deficiency. I’ve been advised to take a pill every day. “For how many days?” I asked my doctor. “You have to just keep taking it,” he said. It’s kept me glum over this weekend. I know science understands the functioning of our bodies as well as drugs a lot better than it did 30 years ago. I have also been made aware that the pill I’ve been prescribed, is not a medicine but in fact a supplement to make up for what my body isn’t producing naturally. And finally, the fact that there isn’t an easily known cause or reason for this happening. Only that it’s common enough for most people (and medical professionals) to not bat an eyelid.

Image via Unsplash/John Towner

Image via Unsplash/John Towner

One part of me feels like something has been completed. It’s not a dramatic sense of completion. It’s more like finally finding an answer to a long pondered-over sum. Whether it is the right one or not, who knows? After a year of stumbling about in the dark, wondering if mental illness may be a reality I’d have to deal with, it may turn out to be nothing more than a (relatively simpler) hormone readjustment. I am a woman after all; my body is a test site for all manner of hormone fluctuations known to humankind. It could also explain my frequently falling sick since loss of immunity is one of the side-effects of thyroid deficiency.

There is a sense of sombreness that has settled over me this weekend. It’s not sadness, it’s not pain, it’s not desperation. It’s not even melancholy. It is a sense of things passing, of letting some things pass or having them pass over you willy-nilly. 37 is not 22.

I’m feeling something in my spirit, subconsciously drawing lines. I cannot and do not want to keep up with 20-somethings anymore. A generation gap has opened up and I’m the one defining that line. In a sense, I’ve been moving towards this for years. My solo dates, my gradual cutting down of frantic socialising, my distaste for intoxication (even while juggling the ‘no-judgements’ stance that allows one to be a part of the social circles), my attitudes to sex and friendship and relationships. It’s all there, building up to this very thing. I don’t want to live like I’m 22 and apparently, I can’t anymore either. It is a sobering thought.

I’ve also been growing increasingly aware of other people getting older. My peers are struggling with the realities of life we weren’t taught to anticipate or handle. And my parents generation, what of them? Many of them are so admirably adapting to things that even my generation finds tough.

Amidst all the jokes about ‘My mother is on Whatsapp and I have to make sure she doesn’t see me online’ and ‘Oh god, my father sent me a Facebook friend request’, something else stands out. While my generation is already giving up on Snapchat, sex and relationships, the generation before ours is still willing to embrace technology, new connections and world views. We are neither as wise nor as strong. And their generation is only getting older, frailer, tireder. Yet they solder on valiently. But like all things, that must come to pass. And then, what will happen of us? What indeed, will happen of me?

I wonder how much of my full, active, happening life is like the pill I’ve to pop every day – a supplement to what should occur naturally but does not.

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If you liked this post, you’ll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I’m Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I’m on Twitter and Instagram.

I Wear: Orange Is The New Everything

Sundays are Alphabet Sambar days and this Sunday brought the kind of sunny weather that I’ve been craving for weeks. I also recovered from a bad acidity/migraine attack the previous day and was feeling positively buoyant. So I took the sunniest colour I could find – orange – and painted my wardrobe in it.

I Wear:

  • Orange (coral!) tennis dress: AND
  • Distressed denim jacket: Forever 21
  • All-kinds-of-colourful sneakers: Adidas
  • Piggy earrings: Colaba Causeway
  • Lipstick: Obsession 03 Starry Matte Up Crayon by Faces Canada Ultima Pro

* The second part of the video was shot by Gautam Sukhija.
If you enjoyed this style post in video, check out the other I Wear posts.

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If you liked this post, you’ll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I’m Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I’m on Twitter and Instagram.

I Wear: IndoWestern chic

From the archives. I’ll do this one of these days.

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If you liked this post, you’ll want to follow the Facebook Page and the Youtube channel. I’m Ramya Pandyan (a.k.a. Ideasmith) and I’m on Twitterand Instagram.

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